Interpersonal Effectiveness is the ability to notice, interpret, and anticipate others' concerns and feelings, and to communicate this awareness empathetically to others.

An employee demonstrating this competency:

• Understands the interests and important concerns of others
• Notices and accurately interprets what others are feeling, based on their choice of words, tone of voice, expressions, and other nonverbal behavior
• Anticipates how others will react to a situation
• Listens attentively to people's ideas and concerns
• Understands both the strengths and weaknesses of others
• Understands the unspoken meaning in a situation
• Says or does things to address others' concerns
• Finds non-threatening ways to approach others about sensitive issues
• Makes others feel comfortable by responding in ways that convey interest in what they have to say

Interpersonal Eectiveness is a fundamental interpersonal skill. It has two key aspects: (1) noticing what people are feeling, especially when they are not stating this explicitly, and (2) showing by your responses to others that you care about their concerns. Interpersonal Awareness is essential in influencing, selling, team leadership, and people management. If you are aware of other people’s concerns, interests, and feelings, you are in a position to address them and, in so doing, to gain people’s support for what you would like to accomplish.

Interpersonal Effectiveness often comes naturally to people who are “people-oriented”; for other people, special effort and training may be needed. One challenge in learning this competency is to overcome the tendency to focus so heavily on your own needs and concerns that you miss the signals being sent non-verbally by other people. Another challenge is to show by the tone and content of your response that you care about the other person’s concerns. The skills related to Interpersonal Awareness are easiest to develop in a course that provides opportunities for observation, practice, and role playing. If your Interpersonal Awareness skills need significant development, you should enroll in a course on listening skills. If you need only minor enhancement of your skills, you may be able to learn from some of the readings and practice suggestions.

Practice using these basic listening skills: Listen with full attention. Make responsive comments that show empathy (e.g., “That must have been really frustrating,” or “You must have been upset.”). Use a tone of voice appropriate to the emotion. Periodically summarize what the other person has said, to let the other person know that you have heard what he/she has said. Avoid judgmental comments (e.g., “You should have known better than to do that.”). Avoid giving advice. Be open to feedback, both verbal and nonverbal, that indicates that you have missed other people’s concerns. Find opportunities to talk individually and informally with your clients, customers and coworkers. Ask them what parts of their jobs are going well and what parts are more difficult. Ask about their personal interests outside of work. Use these conversations as opportunities to learn about the other person’s interests, concerns and aspirations. Practice demonstrating empathy by describing and reflecting back the feelings that you are perceiving in others, using a tone of voice that shows understanding and appreciation for the feelings of the other person. If you are managing people, make a point of checking in with each one daily. Ask how things are going and give your people an opportunity to talk about any concerns they may have.

Ask coworkers or friends to observe you and provide feedback to you over a two-week period on the responsiveness and interpersonal sensitivity that you demonstrate. Ask them to let you know when you seem genuinely interested and responsive and when you seem insensitive.

Observe someone with a reputation for strong interpersonal skills. Note this person’s verbal and nonverbal behavior in interpersonal situations, especially difficult situations involving selling, influencing, counseling, or dealing with someone who is upset.

If you are coaching someone who is trying to develop the compentency, you can: Model listening skills, responsiveness and sensitivity in your interactions with this person. Agree to observe this person and provide feedback on Interpersonal Effectiveness. Discuss and share your thoughts about how you will approach delicate interpersonal situations (e.g., interactions with customers or vendors). Set and enforce norms in your work group for listening to others and treating them with respect.

By February 10, I will read Listening: The Forgotten Skill, by Madelyn Burley-Allen, and prepare a list of ideas to practice. By March 15, I will meet with each of my direct reports to get know them better. I will ask them what they like and dislike in their work, what their personal interests are, and what I can do to help them become more effective. By May 31, I will complete a course on listening skills.

BOOKS AND PUBLICATIONS

Brave New You: 12 Dynamic Strategies for Saying What You Want and Being Who You Are, by Mary Valentis & John Valentis. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2001.

Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling, by Edgar Schein. 144 pages. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2013.

Interpersonal Skills at Work, by John Hayes. New York, NY: Routledge, 2002.

Interpersonal Skills for Leadership (2nd Edition), by Susan M. Fritz, Joyce Povlacs Lunde, William Brown & Elizabeth A. Banset. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 2004.

Improve Your Social Skills: A Speed Guide to Discover How to Analyze People and Master Your Emotions Using Emotional Intelligence, by Travis Emotion. 478 pages. Independently published, 2019.

Interpersonal Skills in Organizations (4th Edition), by Suzanne de Janasz, Karen O. Dowd & Beth Schneider. Columbus, OH: McGraw-Hill/Irwin, 2011.

Relational Intelligence: The People Skills You Need for the Life of Purpose You Want, by Dharius Daniels. 224 pages. Zondervan, 2020.

The Business of Listening, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Effective Listening, by Diana Bonet. Ontario, CA: Crisp Publications, 2001.

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster Ltd., 2005.

Training In Interpersonal Skills: Tips for Managing People at Work (5th Edition), by Stephen P. Robbins & Phillip L. Hunsaker. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall, 2011.

Understanding Yourself and Others: An Introduction to the Personality Type Code, by Linda Berens and Dario Nardi. 60 pages. InterStrength Press, 2004

WORKSHOPS & COURSES - PUBLIC, ONSITE, ONLINE

Educations Media Group (EMG). findcourses.com
https://www.findcourses.com/search/interpersonal-skills-courses?page=2

LinkedIn Learning. 50 online courses.
https://www.linkedin.com/learning/search?keywords=Interpersonal%20skills

7 Interpersonal Skills of Great Managers. Two days. American Management Association. Tel. 877 566-9441.
https://www.amanet.org/7-interpersonal-skills-of-great-managers/

Human Interaction Laboratory: Transforming Interpersonal Relationships. Five-six days. NTL Institute. Tel. 800 777-5227
https://www.ntl.org/index.php/human-interaction/human-interaction-laboratory/

Interpersonal Communication Skills. Two days. CGWA. Tel. 800 713-1246.
http://www.cgwa.com/offerings/professional-development/interpersonal-communication-skills/

Interpersonal Skills: Developing Effective Relationships. Three days, virtual classroom. Management Concepts. Tel. 888-545-8571.
https://bit.ly/2SMQzGs

Interpersonal Skills for Leadership Success. Five-six days. NTL Institute. Tel. 800 777-5227
www.ntl.org

Interpersonal Skills. Three days. American Management Association. Tel. 877 566-9441.
www.amanet.org/seminars/seminar.cfm?basesemno=2575

Strengthening Your People Skills in the Workplace. One day, Live and virtual. SkilPath. Tel. 800-873-7545
https://skillpath.com/seminar/strengthening-your-people-skills-in-the-workplace

See Appendix